Stop Constantly Comparing Yourself to Others
In this article you will learn how reducing comparison with others is possible step by step, with practical steps. You will discover what it does to your brain and how to strengthen self-worth and bring your goals closer through simple exercises. We will also look at how two accessible therapies, ACT and Schema Therapy, can guide your journey, and we will outline what happens in the brain when you compare yourself to others, including the medial prefrontal cortex and the default mode network that becomes active when attention turns inward. The goal is to give you clear tools to interrupt automatic comparisons and choose what truly matters to you.
Introduction: Reducing Comparison Step by Step Is Possible
In this article we explore why people compare themselves to others so often and how this habit can undermine our sense of self-worth. We draw on two accessible therapeutic approaches as guiding frameworks: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Schema Therapy. We also explain what happens in the brain when you compare yourself to others, with attention to the medial prefrontal cortex and the default mode network—the brain systems that become active when your attention turns inward. The aim is to equip you with practical tools to interrupt automatic comparisons and to choose what truly matters to you, rather than getting pulled into the comparison trap. We will also discuss how small, disciplined steps can create lasting change, and how adopting a values-oriented mindset can help you stay aligned with your own path.
Defusion Exercise: Distancing Yourself from the Thought that You Are Less
Defusion is a practical technique that helps you see thoughts as mental events rather than facts. This makes it easier to choose how you respond rather than automatically following a thought. Try this step-by-step exercise: 1) When a comparing thought arises, notice it and let it go by acknowledging that you are having this thought. 2) Label the thought as a simple thought or as the thought I am having. 3) Direct your attention to your breath or to what you are doing and let the thought drift away. Regular practice reduces the automatic response and helps calm the brain networks involved in self-evaluation, reducing rumination and decreasing your tendency to compare. Over time you’ll find you react more intentionally and your mood tends to stabilize as you gain perspective on your own process rather than your competitor’s highlight reel.
Values Focus: Acting on What Truly Matters
Values focus helps you align your actions with what truly matters in your life rather than chasing what others think or show. Start by identifying 3 to 5 core values, such as honesty, connection, growth, and creativity. Then translate these into concrete actions that reflect these values—engaging in authentic conversations rather than scrolling or comparing on social media, for instance. Choose one daily step that embodies these values and reflect in the evening on how it felt and what you learned. In Schema Therapy you can recognize patterns of negative thinking and restructure them into more realistic, helpful beliefs. By treating values as a compass, you become less likely to waste time in comparison and more able to chart your own course, even when others’ paths look more glamorous.
Brain and Experience: What the Medial Prefrontal Cortex and the Default Mode Network Mean for Reducing Comparison
Two brain systems play central roles in comparative behavior. The medial prefrontal cortex is involved in how we evaluate ourselves and in what we imagine others think of us. The default mode network tends to be most active when the mind wanders and we listen to our own narrative. When comparison becomes frequent, activity in these networks tends to rise, which can contribute to feelings of sadness or reduced motivation. The practical tools described earlier—defusion, mindful attention, and acting in line with your values—help calm these networks. Some concrete tips include scheduling short periods of focused attention, limiting social media time that fuels comparison, and using brief breathing or concentration exercises when the urge to compare arises. With consistent practice, the likelihood that the medial prefrontal cortex and the default mode network respond impulsively decreases, and you become more focused on what you want to achieve, and more grounded in your own worth rather than someone else’s success.
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