Discover What You Really Need and How to Recognize It
In this article you will learn how to better recognize and name your true needs. With simple exercises from schema therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy, you will learn step by step to listen to your body and act on what you truly need.
What does it mean to feel your true need?
Everyone experiences signals of tension, fatigue, a need for rest, or a desire for connection from time to time. The ability to recognize and name these signals is what we call interoception. The insula registers bodily signals such as rapid breathing, shoulder tension, or a sense of restlessness. The front parts of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, regulate how you respond and which choices you make. When tension increases, these systems can fall out of balance and you may react more quickly out of habit or compulsively. Through a combination of insights from schema therapy and practical exercises from acceptance and commitment therapy, you learn step by step to feel what you actually need, even when automatic thoughts try to divert you.
Needs Cards: a simple card for what you truly want
Needs cards help you clarify what you currently require. Write on a card which basic needs apply to you, such as rest, safety, connection, appreciation, or autonomy. When you notice tension, look at your card to see which need is strongest at the moment and translate that need into a concrete step you can take today. For example, taking a short break, asking for clear communication, or asking for help. Using this card strengthens the link between what your body indicates and what your mind decides to do, so you regulate better and act with less impulsivity. Start with one need and gradually expand.
Scenario Exercise: practice with real needs
This exercise helps you practice expressing needs in a safe setting. Imagine a situation where someone asks for something but you notice your boundary is being crossed. Describe in a few sentences what you feel physically, what need lies beneath that experience, and what small step you could take today. Example: I notice tension in my chest; I need clear boundaries; I request a short break or support. Practice this several times with different situations. Through this scenario exercise you train the skill of recognizing and naming your needs and communicating what is needed effectively, which calms the insula and improves regulation in the prefrontal cortex.
Boundary Check: guard your space and restore connection
Boundary check is a practical method to protect your needs without overextending yourself. First name your need, then verify whether the requested situation fits, and then formulate a feasible boundary. Use a short, clear sentence you can say in the moment, for example: âRight now I canât do this, but I can help by doing something else.â Regularly applying boundary checks strengthens the cooperation between body and mind and supports the regulation of the prefrontal cortex during stress. A simple breathing technique can help: inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, and repeat this four to six times. This exercise helps you stay calm and stay connected with what you truly need.
Lees ook: Werkstress herkennen en verminderen of Assertiviteit trainen in de praktijk.