Better Communication in Relationships: Growing Together
In this article, you’ll learn in an accessible way how to improve communication in relationships with practical tools and insights from several proven approaches. You’ll discover how listening, clarifying needs, and clearly expressing what you want can lead to more connection and fewer misunderstandings.
Listening and Developing Empathy
In this first step, the focus is on listening attentively and staying open to the other person. We use a simple listening circle in which two people take turns: the speaker describes what happened and the listener briefly summarizes what was said, what feelings it evokes, and what need lies behind it. In this way you learn to concretely name what was observed, what it triggers in you, and what you want to change. This also works at the level of the brain: mirror neurons help us feel what the other is experiencing, while the insula is involved in the bodily signals of tension and comfort. By practicing OGW - Observation, Feeling, Will - you can gradually form clear, factual, non-blaming sentences. Additionally, you can use EFT to relieve some tension beforehand, so that an initial conversation can proceed more calmly and the other person is more inclined to listen.
Clarifying Needs and Using I-Statements
A core component of effective communication is making clear what you need. Nonviolent Communication, often abbreviated as NVC, provides a framework for this process with four elements: Observation, Feeling, Need, and Request. The goal is to understand what you feel and need without attacking the other person. An approach that helps is the I-message: start with I feel..., explain why that is, and state what you would like to change. Example: I notice that I feel tense when you come home late, because I need predictability. Could you indicate when you usually arrive? By speaking this way you help the other person understand what is happening and what you want, increasing the chance that you can reach a workable solution together. Practice this first in everyday moments and then extend it to more difficult conversations.
Feedback and Practical Tools
Another step is learning how to give and receive feedback without confrontation. Use the feedback model: describe the concrete situation without labeling; name the impact on you; articulate what you need, and end with a clear request for the future. For example: During our last meeting you interrupted me several times. I felt unheard, and that affected my trust. I would like us to give each other the chance to finish each point in the next meeting. Could you please wait to respond in that situation? EFT can help calm bodily tension before you start this conversation, allowing you to communicate more clearly and kindly. The listening circle can also serve here; regular practice in a safe setting makes the method second nature in difficult conversations.
Integration into Daily Life
Finally, it’s about consistent practice and taking small, achievable steps. Schedule short exercises into daily life and integrate the tools into real situations. Start with brief conversations about everyday topics and work up to more complex themes such as boundaries and expectations. Pay attention to the signals from your own body and use the insula and mirror neurons as a memory aid: acknowledge what you feel so that you can respond more calmly. Repeat a short weekly session with your partner or a friend where you share what worked and what didn’t. Through regular practice you also build a foundation of trust in which everyone feels safe to communicate openly and constructively.
Lees ook: Werkstress herkennen en verminderen of Assertiviteit trainen in de praktijk.